Hey. Sometimes I actually wonder if I've moved on. Even when we stopped chatting, stopped writing letters, stopped going home together, stopped doing everything together, I was upset and I cried but after a while, it didn't hurt that badly. For the rest of the year, seeing you wasn't such a pain. Even this year, when I saw you for one last time, it didn't really hurt. Yet, once in a while, I'll have these IMB moments when I'll start crying uncontrollably. It feels as though I've lost you forever. As though a widow who has lost her loved one. The times when I remember things we've done together,  I just start crying, knowing that those memories will not be reality again.

Indeed, the first few months were though, when I had to accept that you are gone from my life forever. Yet after a while, I try to direct my thoughts elsewhere, but it didn't seem to help. You've set the benchmark really high and as much as I don't want to compare people, there's no one close enough to the benchmark. This year, I thought I had moved on, but everytime I have IMB moments, I start to question myself if I have actually moved on.

For the past 6 years, I wanted to do math and psychology in Australia. You know of my plans too. Yet when I received the offer, I don't know what to do. I've accepted math locally, but I'm uncertain of my choices. I'm uncertain of my future. I've never been this uncertain before. And I start questioning myself, what do I want? What do I want? I really don't know. I have no answer for it. When you were around, everything seemed possible. Everything seemed more colorful and vibrant. Everything seemed more lively and secure.

I'm in such a wreck these days. I'm uncertain. I'm unsure. I don't know what's the right choice anymore. I don't even know if I had even chosen the right choice. Sometimes, I can't sleep at night. Until it's close to one hour since I lay my head to rest. Sometimes, I just don't have the appetite to eat. I've had half meals for a couple of days. I just don't feel like having dinner. I wonder if eating has become a chore for me. It used to be so nice to have lunch and dinner with you.

If you were me, what would you suggest I do?